Beards, mugs and men — Fundor 333

I use DevRant, a social for rant by developer. One day I find this rant.

Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.

“Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird”

“Uh… look at my beard”

“What”

“Just look at this beard!”

“Uh…. OK”

“Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard”

“Uh… it’s pretty nice I guess”

“You don’t have to lie”

She looks puzzled: “OK… maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh… a lot of trimming”. “I still like it though” she adds, trying hard to be polite.

“I understand you just started working here. But the beard… the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?”

“Yeah”

“Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It’s all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don’t give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone.”

She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: “What about her, she doesn’t seem to have a beard”

Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. “I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs… . Now get lost divchyna.”

Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.

Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: “I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?”

“Yeah” — couldn’t hold back a giggle — “haha now she’ll come to you”

Joanna: “No I already took care of it”

“How?”

“She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup”. Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. “I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department”

Me: “I do miss shaving though”

I love it and I find it sometime too realistic in my experience. But sometime after reading this rant I brought a Developer Mug with the phrase “There is no place as 127.0.0.1” and I write down some office’s mug types.

Commoner mug

Never ever used as a mug.

THE Design Mug

FrontEnd Mug

Allways clean and with black coffee but allways the same fu__ing mug because “it’s original”. Because the owner is a front-end developer the owner keep the mug in pristine state.

BackEnd Mug

  • :q! for exit The most difficult task ever: exit vim
  • Logo of framework brought at somethingconvention When the backend dev is also a fanboy
  • Joke moking FrontEnd Because backend is the real thing

Helpdesk first level/noob’s Mug

Helpdesk second level’s Mug

Helpdesk third level’s Mug

Sysadmin’s Mug

This are some of the type of mug I find in my worklife. If i find other i will create a second part of this post.

by Fundor 333

Originally published at https://fundor333.com.

A Python developer who work on Wordpress projects and make automation scripts. Sometime a Nerd, sometime a Geek always time for tea